PrEP-O-Licious!

 

 I am thrilled to be participating in this annual event next Monday, February 16th, at 7pm, at Verlaine Bar & Lounge (110 Rivington).  

For the second year in a row, Honey LaBronx is hosting PrEP-O-Licious! – New York's only event to communicate information and resources about the game-changing HIV prevention drug, Truvada for PrEP.   This unique event will educate New York City residents on what’s considered to be the single most important and effective HIV prevention tool of our time. 

A star studded lineup of A-list Drag Queens have volunteered their time to perform live, including Brenda Dharling, CoCo De'Ball, Sir Honey Davenport, Marti Gould Cummings, Miz Cracker, Rebecca Glasscock, Ruby Roo, Terra Grenade, and Thorgy Thor.

I will have the honor to take questions from the audience and provide feedback on anything and everything PrEP related. 

PrEP-O-Licious! was formed in 2014 by Honey LaBronx, Damon Jacobs and Gary Weingarten to counter the lack of awareness & the wealth of misinformation about Truvada for PrEP - the game-changing HIV medication which can prevent the risk of HIV transmission by up to 99% when used daily.

For more information contact me here at Damon@DamonLJacobs.com or 347-227-7707.  

See you there! 

NY PrEP Update - What You Need To Know in 2015!

Heard about PrEP & Truvada? Not sure if it's right for you? Not sure how to get it with or without insurance? Let's clear up some rumors and get the facts! 

Join me and this panel of experts as we bring you up to speed on the latest information, facts, controversies, and answer your burning questions. 

Panelists will be:Damon L. Jacobs - PrEP Advocate / Therapist 
Dr. Gal Mayer - Associate Director at Gilead Sciences
Kimberleigh Smith - Vice President, Policy & Advocacy at Harlem United
Kelsey Louie - CEO at GMHC
Mathew K. Rodriguez - Journalist / Activist

Join us Monday, February 2nd, from 7pm-9pm
at GMHC, 446 West 33rd Street. 7th Floor

For more information, contact me at Damon@DamonLJacobs.comFor more PrEP Facts, join the Facebook Group:  "PrEP Facts: Rethinking HIV Prevention And Sex". 

You Know What I Did Last Summer

It has been quite a summer! For those who don't know, I have been working/volunteering in HIV Prevention for most of the past 23 years.  But not until this summer have I seen such global interest in this subject, with the focus on a prevention strategy called "PrEP" (pre-exposure prophylaxis).   This is a daily medication that has been shown to prevent HIV by up to 99% if used consistently.  Yet many oppose this option, and most still don't know about it.  I've had the opportunity to take part in some very interesting, and often heated, forums about this method:

So what does this have to do with relationships? Quite a bit.  It is now understood that most new HIV infections in the U.S. occur in the context of a "main" relationship with a presumed HIV negative partner, who is usually unaware of their own HIV status.  One of the primary themes in my book "Rational Relating" is examining how shame prevents honesty and integrity in relationships.  When people are too ashamed to communicate openly about their sexual activities with different partners, that is when HIV and other STI's are more likely to be transmitted. But when people learn to relate to their own desires with compassion and responsibility, it allows for partners to create sexual negotiations and compromises that can serve their relationship, and reduce adverse consequences.

My therapy work focuses on helping individuals and couples create and maintain the relationship "structure" that works best for them.  For some, that includes arrangements for sexual and emotional expression with multiple partners.  For others, it means focusing on exclusivity.  For all, it involves reducing the shame and fear that restrains honesty and integrity in relationships, so they can experience enhanced joy, intimacy, and pleasure with others.  

For more information about PrEP, feel free to check out What Is PrEP? and/or my FaceBook Group, "PrEP Facts: Rethinking HIV Prevention and Sex." 

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in New York who has helped hundreds of couples and individuals create joyful, peaceful, and pleasurable relationships. He is the author of the books, “Rational Relating” and “Absolutely Should-less.” His trainings have helped thousands to learn practical skills for living an empowered and fulfilling life. To speak with Damon about counseling, speaking engagements, or media appearances - please contact him at Damon@DamonLJacobs.com, call 347-227-7707, or visit www.DamonLJacobs.com

Rational Relating Event In San Francisco - June 14th, at 4pm!

Billions of people are walking around on this Earth, trying to connect with others and build meaningful and satisfying bonds. Yet for so many, there is something getting in the way of this wonderful experience. Relationship expert, author and speaker Damon L. Jacobs (LMFT) hosts “Rational Relating with Damon L. Jacobs: How to Stay Sane in the Crazy World of Love,” using the principles from his recently published book of the same name—along with his signature wit and charm—to address this issue.

On Saturday, June 14th at 4pm, Damon is returning to his "home-base" in the Mission District of San Francisco, to discuss ways of enhancing communication, pleasure, and intimacy in primary and multiple relationships.  The event will be held at Alley Cat Books, 3036 24th Street, San Francisco. 

Participants will learn
- The 5 essential "pillars" to maintain joy and pleasure in relationships
- How the myth of "cheating" damages unity (while increasing therapists' bank accounts)
- Tools to enhance the presents of presence
- Steps to manage jealousy and fear
- How pre-exposure prophylaxis ("PrEP") is changing possibilities in relationships

Signed books will be on sale as well! 

Any questions? Please ask here, or contact Damon at Damon@DamonLJacobs.com

Rational Relating In NYC May 28!

Billions of people are walking around on this Earth, trying to connect with others and build meaningful and satisfying bonds. Yet for so many, there is something getting in the way of this wonderful experience. Relationship expert, author and speaker Damon L. Jacobs (LMFT) hosts “Rational Relating with Damon L. Jacobs: How to Stay Sane in the Crazy World of Love,” using the principles from his recently published book of the same name—along with his signature wit and charm—to address this issue.

On Wednesday, May 28 at 6pm, “Rational Relating” guides attendees through the simple, step­-by­-step process of creating and sustaining a relationship structure that serves to enhance love, serenity and pleasure, while minimizing stress, resentment and fear in relationships.

Participants will learn
- The 5 essential "pillars" to maintain joy and pleasure in relationships
- Why the myth of "cheating" destroys relationships
- The Scoop on Snooping
- Tools to enhance the presents of presence
- How to recognize when it's time to break-up

This free event takes place in Studio 4 of the Manhattan Theatre Club's Creative Center (311 W 43rd St). Space is limited, PLEASE RSVP to Damon@DamonLJacobs.com

So How Do I Forgive?

In my previous post, I began to outline forgiveness from a Rational Relating perspective. I discussed how it is a decision, not necessarily an action, that can enhance a connection with others. The consequences of not forgiving can lead to resentments, anger, stress, and ultimately the destruction of a relationship.

“But how do I do this,” I often hear. “That person really hurt me in ways I can’t get over.”  Forgiveness is not about getting over anything.  It is about getting through the pain and betrayal.  Here are tips for beginning the process:

      1.  Recognize the person who hurt you was reacting to some form of fear or pain of their own.

      2. Understand that most people react to fear and pain by hurting others, intentionally or unintentionally.

      3. Forgive your own participation in the hurtful event, no matter how big or small.

      4. Choose to be a catalyst for ending the cycle of fear and pain  by not striking back at the person, or intentionally hurting anyone else.

      5. Accept that your pain is not going to go away immediately.  But when you forgive you start to create a possibility for pain to be transformed into strength and resilience.   

      6. Remember, forgiveness is a decision, not an action.  You may decide to forgive your partner and still choose to leave the relationship.  Or you may forgive your partner and choose to work it through.  Either way your peace and joy are your responsibility, and your decision.

It is challenging, but not impossible, to regain trust and safety after one person has hurt another person in a relationship.  My book, “Rational Relating: The Smart Way To Stay Sane In The Crazy World Of Love” offers a framework that couples can easily follow to increase serenity and satisfaction.  It is based on nearly two decades of work with couples who have survived pain and harm with their spouse or partner.  Forgiving is a crucial step toward anyone trusting themselves ever again, and experiencing deeper intimacy with another.  

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in New York who has helped hundreds of couples and individuals create joyful, peaceful, and pleasurable relationships. He is the author of the books, “Rational Relating” and “Absolutely Should-less.” His trainings have helped thousands to learn practical skills for living an empowered and fulfilling life. To speak with Damon about counseling, speaking engagements, or media appearances - please contact him at Damon@DamonLJacobs.com, call 347-227-7707, or visit www.DamonLJacobs.com 

        

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive?

Without a clear and rational approach to forgiveness, a relationship “structure” can remain weakened and vulnerable.  How can you move forward in a relationship after your partner said or did something hurtful to you?  Is it possible, or even worth it, to trust your partner again?

Let’s begin by clearly stating what forgiveness is not.  Forgiveness is not an agreement that the other person’s action is acceptable.  It is not indicating that there is approval of one’s decisions, or that the violation will be forgotten.  It is not expressing that trust will automatically rebuild, and it is not a validation that it is okay for that person to do the same thing again.

What forgiveness does is restore you as the authority of your affective (emotional) experience.  It allows you to resume full responsibility for how you perceive your partner’s behaviors and your reactions.  In short, it is your key to empowerment by reclaiming your feelings, moods, and perceptions.  

When you approach forgiveness, you simply look at your partner’s actions through the lens of, “He was doing the best he could at the time with the tools he was given.”  If he acted outside of his integrity, then you recognize the role that fear played in driving his behavior. If he acted with integrity, then try to understand what values led to his decision (even if you don’t agree with them).  

Forgiveness is first and foremost a decision rather than an action.  It is a confirmation that all humans, including yourself, are capable of making mistakes.  It is a choice of recognizing that most people in this culture are taught to act and react from fear, and that cruelty and insensitivity are oftentimes a direct byproduct of that fear.  If you wish to be a catalyst for change, and live in a world with less fear, cruelty, and insensitivity, then it is up to you to stop perpetuating these practices and stop reacting to them in your interpersonal relationships.  

This may or may not mean that you do something about it.  There are situations where the person you are forgiving might be dead, unavailable, or unsafe.  You still can make the decision of forgiveness, with or without the other person’s involvement.

Letting go of resentments is tough.  Sometimes it can help to work through these concerns with a trusted therapist, friend, or spiritual teacher.  My book, "Rational Relating: The Smart Way to Stay Sane In the Crazy World Of Love" was written to help people experience connection and empowerment in their primary relationships.  Feel free to email me with any questions at Damon@DamonLJacobs.com

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in New York who has helped hundreds of couples and individuals create joyful, peaceful, and pleasurable relationships. He is the author of the books, “Rational Relating” and “Absolutely Should-less.” His trainings have helped thousands to learn practical skills for living an empowered and fulfilling life. To speak with Damon about counseling, speaking engagements, or media appearances - please contact him at Damon@DamonLJacobs.com, call 347-227-7707, or visit www.DamonLJacobs.com