Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Rising Above The "D.E.A.D.S." Of Valentine's Day

If there's one way to kill a great relationship, it's called, "Valentine's Day."  This so-called holiday exists for the sole purpose of reducing authentic love and affection into a quantifiable commodity, and to play off your worst fears about being 'alone' if you don't spend money.  And who are the greatest profiteers off the industry of emotional exploitation?  Look around.  The jewelry companies, candy companies, car companies, and just about anything you're seeing advertised right now.  All are invested in telling you how you "should" spend your savings in order to "win" the everlasting love of a desired partner.  That is, until next year, when you have to do it all over again.

There is an easier way to get through Valentine's Day with serenity, joy, and pleasure. People in Rational Relationships seek to create instead of conform.  That means they use communication, compassion, and responsibility in order to decide how love and affection is expressed every day of the year, not just when corporations tell them they "should."  They realize that real connections are measured by presence, not presents.

In order to survive Valentine's Day with your partner by your side, I suggest avoiding the rigid and inflexible "D.E.A.D.S." of any relationship:

Demands, Expectations, Attachments, Desires, Shoulds

At the same time, Valentine's Day can be an opportunity for couples to enjoy taking an open-minded and fun "D.I.P.", which stands for making:

Decisions, Intentions, Preferences

When people in Rational Relationships choose to live their lives making proactive decisions, mindful intentions, and flexible preferences, then they can then take action which allows for healthier choices, a wider range of actions, and long lasting changes.  It is through this approach that they can release rigid beliefs, and change them into happier, more flexible, and more gratifying experiences.  I know that this can seem very hard to do, but I assure you that from my own personal and professional experiences it is entirely possible to do!!

My new book Rational Relating offers an easy-to-follow framework for couples seeking to build and sustain a relationship based in authentic emotional and physical expression.  My private practice assists individuals and couples learn the long-held (and usually unconscious) thought patterns that result in anger, stress, depression, hopelessness, and suffering on Valentine's Day.  I have found unequivocally that when people challenge and alter certain beliefs they experience a sense of relief, calm, satisfaction, and empowerment.  It is through these changes that it is possible to have the genuinely romantic and rewarding connections every day of the year!

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in New York, who has helped hundreds of couples and individuals create joyful, peaceful, and pleasurable, relationships. He is the author of the books, “Rational Relating” and “Absolutely Should-less.” His trainings have helped thousands to learn practical skills for living an empowered and fulfilling life. To speak with Damon about counseling, speaking engagements, or media appearances, please contact Damon at, call 347-227-7707, or visit

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